my life has always been about defence, defence myself from something, maybe from living somewhere my perception has been like that i am weak which i am, mentally physically, emotionally, energetically, my voice is stuttering, low self esteem, never communicated freely, never felt alive with people , always isolated myself which i call defending . defending from whom, its from all the people around me who speaks clearly who is somewhere in my mind are heavy. from my very birth till this moment , i had been with this feeling. whats the point of living such life, its torture. Yet I go on living , i was born with repressed laughter , i am not repressing it.
Protected: November 24th, 2023
Cricket World Cup’23 diaries #1
Now, this years world is getting interesting in a way like weak teams are defeating strong teams. AND I LIKE THAT!!
Team India is playing their very best performances , i know till they knock out in semi finals or final, yes i know that , but this can jinx things up.
although south Africa is pure dominant , it will get great to watch india vs sa on 5 nov.
New Zealand is good , Australia came back, England rolling in defeat after defeat, while Afghanistan playing their best world cup performance ever!!
But I dont know why , I dont like india winning , this is personal emotions, I want india to lose or maybe i am not supporting india at all , i dont know why .. it is my country but there is no emotions for country … may be its because MSD is not playing in this world cup . Dhoni was my emotions , everything , i only watch cricket to see him.
Getting ready for the world cup.. my prediction or my wish is…
teams to qualify for semi finals are.. india, sa, new Zealand, Australia.
finals between SA and New zealand….. now its tough to chose winner … i likes kane williamson scoring in this match while i also wish to see sa winning this wc for their knock out in 2015 wc by nz.
PS (20 nov)
Well… this world cup was extremly exciting to watch .. as always indians were overconfident. new zealand were very good but those md host knock them out due to toss. a heartbreak for me. and personally i was not supporting sa, due to their racist board. due to me being a big fan of starc, maxwell… i supported austraillians… and in the finals
when indians were overly hyped … everything was like understimating their opponents and things … indi9a lost the match and i was the happist man here…. i dont know why ii am happy but i am really.
australlia won the wc and those stupid irfan pathan , harbajan … i loved to see their face and words … oh so good feelings.
Why we men are like this?
i realized why we men are like this. i mean, we just dont give up on a girl which we like, easily even if she said no or she is not interested, but we men just hope and try try, …. I read about this in the book “new moon” by stephenie meyer.
We feel empty inside , somehow , we wanna tell the girl we like her but also scared we will also lose the friendship if she resist. but believe it , we men dont lose hope till our last breath.
Even if we know she loves someone else… still we wait wait and try for her.
that special one of us.
That gleaming light in moments of darkness
Even in ones darkest hours , when doesnt know anything or feel zero but the fact is always there is something that ones heart truely wants. With a sudden tears of joy , I regain my ablility to respond or my responsiblity and there were tear of joy . I dont know how much its last, but it is truely wonderful from sadhguru.
journel after Quiz 2( 6 Aug )
My sacrifice of statistic 2 to score good in maths 2 has gone waste. Its all because I was being irresponsible, inconsistent and lack of planning. Now I must first complete statics week 5,6,7,8 . Then focus on week 9,10,11 content, which will continue till 18 august. then barely I would have only 2 week again for end term preparation.
The good thing is , Now vectors are over and its time for calculus which I am pretty more familiar and atleast it will be rough solving not that theoritical matrices thing.
For statistics I had a starategy which has given me 60% in quiz 1 . I am going to follow that . But when it comes to math, i am not sure how i should go through this. priority should be to not loose calculus . Past drama can be settled here and there.
Be Focused
Prayer is a very beautiful thing
It is really tough to get through all the life’s obstacles, unless there is Grace.
Every morning i do my Surya namaskar followed by Isha kriya.
This two thing are my life saver things, plus a daily dose of my prayer to my faithful God, make it a graceful morning.
It is necessary i guess to do something for both physical and mental health, instead of sitting in the corner and crying filled by lord of blames.
My longing for feminine in my life
There were various girls in my past.
I never looked in their eyes .
That’s became my biggest regret
Now I want to enter into her heart through looking in her eyes.
And some dance … Some romance … Some embracing kisses…
Something great must happen between us .
The music should go on
A 20 year old boys Confession
My biggest dream is to get a reputed job first and tell my dad
“hey dad, you had done enough for us, now you just sit and let me take care of our family financially.
Let me pay our home loan”
This would be the best line off my life
A woman in love creates the man
” A woman needs somebody who can dream for her, and a man needs somebody who can become a home for him “
Have you noticed a woman without love and then one in love? They smell different; they actually smell different; their fragrance is different. When a woman is alone she has sadness all around her: depressed, lonely, forlorn, in despair, just anxiety. The moment she fall in love she starts blooming, something immediately opens up; then she has beauty !
A woman not in love shrinks, closes up; she starts living in a shut-upness. She closes the doors and the windows. There is nobody to wait for, so why keep the windows open or the door open? she starts living in a kind of grave; she is no longer alive. She starts dying, she becomes suicidal. Just mathematics, just arithmatic, just sanity is not enough; some dance is needed to keep balance.
A man alone looks lost; he does not know who he is. Unless he sees himself in the eye of a loving woman, he will never know who he is.
The woman gives him form, substance; makes him aware who he is. By her love she creates the man. It is not only that you are created by your mother in womb; you are created by each woman whenever you fall in love. Whenever you fall in love the woman gives you shape, color, polish, she makes you Human.
Otherwise, man will be very very barbarous, violent, aggressive, uncaring, uncompassionate.
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